Week Thirty Nine

Thunderclap

I pulled him aside and told him, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off. We were at a party, we were drinking, and he was being way too “handsy” with girls who clearly indicated they were not interested. That’s when he put his arm around my shoulder and said, “Dude, it’s ok. I’ll tell you more when I’m not so drunk, but I’m untouchable,” explaining that no matter what happened tonight, he was above the law. He came from a wealthy family, had a privileged upbringing, attended prestigious schools, and felt as if he were shielded from consequence.

But me and other party attendees saw him make attempts. We saw where he was trying to go. And luckily, we made sure to let him know that not only did we not approve, we’d stop him far before it ever came to him sexually assaulting someone.

But I’ve witnessed this behavior too often from too many people, and while it’s not just privileged white men who commit sexual assault, it seems like there’s a plethora of them who think they can get away with it unscathed.

Our President has made comments that would suggest he’s sexually assaulted women (see: “I grab them by the pussy”), and has several sexual assault claims against him, while his current Supreme Court nominee has three against him. So we’re definitely in a climate where rich powerful white men have gained even more power despite some serious charges. This isn’t a new phenomenon. Look at Michael Skakel and Alex Kelly - two wealthy white men who used their privilege to escape prosecution only for it to come crashing down on them years later.

And yes, Skakel and Kelly eventually saw justice prevail and a new crop of men are feeling the wrath of their actions (Cosby, Weinstein, et. al.), but why is it that these men feel like they’re above the law? And why has it taken so long for the repercussions of their actions to finally come to light?

The truth is, we as a society are to blame. We’ve let it happen. Growing up, these men are taught to be masters of the universe. To be unstoppable forces as they reach for glory and riches. They are told they deserve everything and that consequences are only for those who can’t afford the right lawyers.

So, how do we stop this systemic righteous selfishness? It’s quite simple: we don’t let them get away with it. We hold them accountable for their actions in the moment - despite whatever sort of inebriation they’re experiencing. We pull them aside at parties and let them know. And we sure as shit don’t elect them to office.

Dr. Ford did a remarkable job during her hearing yesterday. She was poised, calm, and heart-breaking talking about such a horrible act. And she proved to not just women, but all people, that talking about sexual assault, telling people, and putting yourself out there as a figurehead gives so much power back to the victims. I’m sure it’ll inspire hundreds more to come forward and not let their attackers get away with it.

Sexual assault attempts aren’t going away. But it’s up to us as friends, as co-workers, and human beings to stop someone, to pull them back, to take a second and explain how horrible and selfish their actions are. And despite the pain, we need to talk about these things. We need to be informed. Because if we don’t, these people will happily ruin someone’s entire life for a few moments of sexual gratification.