45 And Counting
I’m 23 years old. I know it. I feel it. Then, I look in the mirror, stand up too quickly, or hear someone talking about music from the 90s being the “oldies.” This is quickly followed by a short depression, a quick assessment of each body part that hurts or will probably hurt by the end of the day, and a gentle reassurance that I’m only as old as I feel. But is this what 45 is? Is this where I’m supposed to be? And who is really measuring? So, instead of asking a therapist (which, let's be honest, would have been the smart thing to do), I turned to AI. I asked it for a list of things an American male should accomplish by the time they’re 45. Here’s the list, and here’s how I checkout.
Establish a Career: Have a stable career or profession that provides financial security and fulfillment. We’re off to a bad start here. Lately, I’ve been telling people I’m a stay-at-home dad, which is mostly true. But I’m a writer at heart, and I have this weird mix of marketing and technological experience that keeps manifesting in odd and mysterious ways. So, I’ve established several careers, all to various degrees of success.
Financial Stability: Achieve financial stability by saving, investing, and managing money wisely. I know what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, juggle bills, and survive on oatmeal and bread to pay the rent. So, having the comfort of financial stability is genuinely remarkable. (More on how this was achieved below) However, given how the US economy is structured, I realize how hard it is for most people to find financial stability. Additionally, financial stability also comes with the notion that, at any moment, it could all fall apart.
Homeownership: Purchase a home or property, if feasible and desirable. Look, I get it. Buying a house is insanely expensive, and the market is designed to make it impossible for younger people to purchase homes. And that absolutely sucks. When it came to homeownership, I got very lucky with timing. I bought my first house at age 36, a few years after the housing crisis, and bought my next house at the beginning of COVID before prices went insane.
Family: Establish and nurture meaningful relationships with a spouse or partner, children, and extended family members. Boom. Done.
Parenting: If they have children, actively participate in their upbringing, providing love, support, and guidance. I never knew how fantastic having kids would be. Being a parent wasn’t something I truly valued. But it’s absolutely the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I genuinely love being a father.
Health and Fitness: Prioritize health by maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and attending routine medical check-ups. I’m giving myself a C- on this. I was in insane shape in college. That all fell to shit when I moved to NYC and lived off oatmeal and bread (see above.) But I’ve developed a workout regimen that gives me muscular and cardiovascular strength, which I’m reasonably happy with. In the past few years, I’ve cut back on sugar, spent more time in the gym, and participated in events (half marathons, the Pan-Mass Challenge, etc…) that set goals that can only be achieved by regimented workouts.
Education and Personal Growth: Continuously pursue learning and personal development, whether through formal education, self-study, or new experiences. I spend half my day on Wikipedia and the other half planning my next trip. I’ve also spent a significant amount of time introspectively reflecting on past mistakes and working toward being a better person. I’m not perfect, and I know perfection is a fallacy, but I try to put more positivity than negativity into the world.
Community Involvement: Engage in community service, volunteer work, or other forms of civic participation to contribute positively to society. Big fail here. I need to up the levels on this one considerably.
Travel: Explore new places domestically and internationally to broaden perspectives and gain cultural experiences. Outside of a few childhood trips to Canada, I didn’t leave the US until I was 22. Since then, I’ve traveled to more than 30 countries, and I hope that number continues to expand exponentially. Travel truly is the only way to understand humanity. Not only is Fairfield County a bubble, but the US is also a bubble. Ideas I understood to be true before traveling radically shifted once I saw a broader world view.
Hobbies and Interests: Cultivate hobbies, interests, and passions outside of work to enrich life and maintain a balanced lifestyle. My entire life is made up of hobbies and interests.
Financial Planning: Develop a long-term financial plan, including retirement savings, insurance coverage, and estate planning. One of the best things Lindsey and I ever did was hire a financial planner. I recommend this to anyone in the start of their career. They’ll help you manage expenses and invest your money intelligently. Money management is purposefully opaque, and one could spend all their free time trying to understand it all. Rather than do that, put your trust in people who eat, sleep, and breathe financial markets.
Career Advancement: Strive for career advancement opportunities, such as promotions, additional education, or starting a business. The funny thing about getting older is that “advancement” means different things to different people. And, for me, “advancement” is less about what I want and more about what I don’t want. So long corner office, hello more time to spend with my kids.
Mental Health: Prioritize mental health and seek support or therapy if needed to address any challenges or issues. Coming to terms with my anxiety disorder and learning how to alleviate it was one of the biggest moments of my life.
Networking: Build a strong professional network of colleagues, mentors, and contacts to support career growth and personal development. I’m lacking in this area. I have a strong professional network but no real mentors to speak of.
Personal Values: Live according to personal values and principles, striving to make ethical decisions and contribute positively to the world. As I mentioned before, it all comes down to adding more positive vibes into the world. I enjoy creating things, adding joy to someone’s day, or giving more than I take. It’s not much, but it works for me.
Relationships: Cultivate meaningful friendships and social connections for support, companionship, and shared experiences. I have fewer friends than I did twenty years ago. A lot of that comes down to my hatred of talking to people on the phone. But I do feel like my relationships with people now are the strongest and most meaningful I’ve ever had.
Philanthropy: Give back to the community or support charitable causes through donations, volunteering, or advocacy. Another fail on my end. I can do better. I can be better.
Work-Life Balance: Strive to achieve a healthy balance between work, family, personal interests, and leisure time. Ha. This one might be the opposite for me. It’s all family/personal interests for me and a very small amount of “work.” Though, I don’t consider writing to be actual work.
Life Goals: Set and work towards achieving personal goals, whether they involve travel, hobbies, education, or other aspirations. Having a wife like Lindsey means that our life goals are constantly aimed for, along with strategies for achieving them. What’s nice is that my life goals aren’t lofty. They aren’t insane. They’re achievable, rewarding, and don’t involve ruining the world.
Reflection and Gratitude: Take time to reflect on accomplishments, express gratitude for blessings, and set new goals for the future. I am grateful, indeed, for everything. Now, let’s revisit this when I’m 90.
